Treasuring sensitivity
and the superpower of empathy
“Empathy is forgetting oneself in the joys and sorrows of another, so much so that you actually feel that the joy or sorrow experienced by another is your own. Empathy involves complete identification with another.” – Dada Vaswani
For many years I have felt I have been one of those people who could be described as an empath but until recently, I never realized how much so until I read the book, The Empath’s Survival Guide.
Of course, as with many scientific labels, there is a wide range and a spectrum of levels regarding empaths and I’m not going to get into the details of that. However, it was refreshing to learn that how I feel and who I basically have been my entire life, is something that is not only normal but can also be seen as a gift.
As a child I was shy and quiet in school but the opposite at home. When I was around people I knew well and there was not a large crowd, I was talkative and considered quite the conversationalist. I think that continues to this day.
But when I find myself in unfamiliar territory, in large crowds or big meetings, I tend to shut down. Turns out I’m being “overstimulated” and my senses can’t take everything coming at me at once. Just as being an empath means I absorb and feel the positive feelings of someone around me, it also makes me vulnerable to negative feelings as well. That is an entire topic of its own for another day…
Growing up, one of my biggest heroes was Mister Rogers, and as a child I was enthralled with his calmness, the ease in which he took his audience in and out of “make believe” and his ability to empathize with every person (or puppet) he met. Most importantly, he taught, using his empath skills, and showed millions of children the importance of being kind and thoughtful when dealing with others and that feeling your emotions was not only normal but necessary.
As I went through college to learn to become an elementary school teacher and librarian, I found myself going back to his philosophy and I tried to incorporate it, eventually using that in my lessons with my own students. One of my biggest goals over the years was to get my students to see how their interactions with each other, and the world around them, was interconnected. Kindness and compassion should not be seen as exceptional but rather the way we should go about treating others every day. “Treat everyone like it’s their birthday…every day…” was one of my classroom mottos.
In education, as in other fields, I think the “gentle ones’ are not taken as seriously by others and some may even see them as not good leadership material. I think that is a real disservice - the world does not belong to only extroverts. The loudest voice in the room is not necessarily the best one. But as a society, most of us tend to follow that lead and the many gifts that empaths can provide are often overlooked and lost.
Later on, as a parent of an empath, I tried to reassure my son, just as my parents reassured me throughout the years, that being tenderhearted is not a weakness at all. In fact, it is a super power.
I remember back in my 20’s one of my friends told me she was getting one of her poems published for the first time in a prestigious periodical and I was so excited for her. After we finished jumping up and down with joy, she grabbed my hand and said, “Sheila, you are the first person I told. Do you know why? Because I knew you would be genuinely happy for me!”
And I was - I literally felt her joy and that compliment has stuck with me for all these years. I continue to try to be that type of person and I believe that even if some of us are more naturally inclined to be an empath, we can all still strive to attain that superpower - the ability to treat others as we would want to be treated. Wouldn’t that be awesome?
A Love Letter to Libraries, Long Overdue
I can’t help it…once a librarian, always a librarian…but I am compelled to share with you this beautifully written article from the New York Times, which sent photographers to seven states to document the thrum and buzz in buildings once known for silence.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1zA-XpVpUeoUkzPoaCXWcIaHsNnheXgQd/view?usp=share_link
Smile Video
Tiffany Eckert's husband died fighting in the Iraq War. The last time they spoke, mere hours before he was killed, the 41-year-old mother promised him she would continue her education. Following his death, she made good on that promise.
#believe #stevehartman #smilevideos
What I am reading…
Once in a while I come across a book that literally speaks to me and The Empath’s Survival Guide was one of those books.
It’s hard spending a lifetime feeling everything around you…the range of emotions… and wondering if that ability is a blessing or a curse. After reading Dr. Judith Orloff’s book, I now know it can be both.
This book had many “ah-ha” moments for me and I learned a lot about myself, my journey and how to better deal with a variety of situations that many times made me feel strange and different.
Thanks to this book I know that there are many people like me and having strategies to deal with your sensitivities has been remarkably helpful for me.
The Amazon description sums up this book perfectly, “Dr. Orloff begins with self-assessment exercises to help you understand your empathic nature, then offers potent strategies for protecting yourself from overwhelm and replenishing your vital energy For any sensitive person who’s been told to “grow a thick skin,” here is your lifelong guide for staying fully open while building resilience, exploring your gifts of deep perception, raising empathetic children, and feeling welcomed and valued by a world that desperately needs what you have to offer.”
This week’s TED Talk
I have watched TED Talks for many years now. I love the wide variety of experiences and opinions TED Talks offer. Here is one I would like to share for this week:
Elena is a mentor for highly sensitive and empathic entrepreneurs. She explains why we need to change the prevalent cultural narrative around highly sensitive people.
In her TEDx talk, she explains why we need to change the prevalent cultural narrative around highly sensitive people. As a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) herself, she has made it her mission to empower other HSP entrepreneurs to turn their sensitivity into their greatest business asset. She is an award-winning serial entrepreneur, including having built a highly acclaimed international luxury skincare brand, and has graduated from the Sorbonne (DEUG), University College London (B.A.) and the London School of Economics (MSc). She is passionate about entrepreneurship, French literature, organic living, Reiki and spirituality!
Holistic Wellness Spotlight - exploring the mind/body connection
Award-winning musician Jon Batiste plays a guided meditation for good mental health. It is his hope that this meditation technique will help you relax and calm your mind.
Empathy vs. Sympathy
What is the best way to ease someone's pain and suffering? In this beautifully animated RSA Short, Dr. Brené Brown reminds us that we can only create a genuine empathic connection if we are brave enough to really get in touch with our own fragilities.
Children’s Corner
Meet Brian, the invisible boy. Nobody ever seems to notice him or think to include him in their group, game, or birthday party... until, that is, a new kid comes to class.
When Justin the new boy arrives, Brian is the first to make him feel welcome. And when Brian and Justin team up to work on a class project together, Brian finds a way to shine.
Action and Contemplation
Thank you to Pastor Julie for introducing me to the writings of Franciscan friar Richard Rohr. Among his many accomplishments, he founded the Center for Action and Contemplation (CAC) in 1987 because he saw a deep need for the integration of both action and contemplation—the two are inseparable. As Father Richard likes to say, “the most important word in our Center’s name is neither Action nor Contemplation, but the word and.”
To discover the CAC meditations, go to https://cac.org/daily-meditations/
Quote of the week
Until next week. Please remember…Begin and end each day with a grateful heart…and always, always be kind….