Grief is love
making space for transformation
“Grief is just love with no place to go.”
I have such a hard time dealing with death. This week, for the second time this year, I lost a close friend.
I spoke with my friend Libby about a month ago and we had a wonderful conversation. I am just wishing that I could deal better with these sudden waves of intense sadness as I navigate once more through another grief journey.
I have written in the past of people who have the gift of becoming one of your “kindred spirits”. My friend Libby was one of those people.
We met in high school and we immediately hit it off - we shared the same sense of humor and eventually we got to the point where we could complete each other’s sentences.
Our telephone conversations could go on and on…We would lose track of time because we could find ourselves talking about anything and everything. We shared so many of the same interests and beliefs. And the belly laughs…oh there were so, so many of those…
And Libby was the essence of the word spiritual. When you were in her presence, you knew she was someone special.
She became a teacher and her passion was working with students with dyslexia. She loved children’s books and I spent many conversations talking with her about that mutual interest.
We also respected and loved each other. And in later years, when one of us would find ourselves in the depths of depression, the other one would take over and do all that was necessary to try and lift the other person out of that dreaded, dark hole.
We both understood the hole and we became each other’s light…
Libby and I stayed briefly in touch after high school and even worked together one summer for the Chamber of Commerce and Information Booth.
But life happens and people lose touch with one another and years pass by…
But it wasn’t until Facebook many years later when we reconnected. I sent a friend request, which was followed by messages and exchanging of phone numbers.
That first phone call lasted almost 2 hours and it was remarkable how even after decades had gone by, we just started talking right where we left off, without a hitch…
Then, in December 2017, Libby was diagnosed with a rare form of clear cell carcinoma cancer in her sinus cavity. She went to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, where she endured numerous treatments and dozens of surgeries over the years. Through it all, she shared her journey openly, offering her story as a source of strength for others navigating similar paths.
She was a beautiful writer who used her CaringBridge website to not only keep her friends and family updated on her condition but maybe, most importantly, she used it as a platform to inspire her readers about her journey and how to make the most of life, even when faced with insurmountable odds.
And she always ended her posts with “Good night, I love you, and I’ll see you in the morning.”
One of my favorite memories is visiting Libby a few years ago and taking her to the Mayo Clinic for one of her many appointments. I admired how she interacted with complete strangers, striking up conversations. We visited the beautiful Mayo Center for the Spirit and I took a picture of her praying in the center of it. The memory and the feelings of that day will stay with me always…
We could use more people on this planet like Libby…people who are kind, brave and unafraid to reveal the truth about their battles with illness…and during that reveal, you got to see the beautiful soul within, fighting to get to another day..another day to be thankful, grateful and compassionate. Another day to get to spend with the people she loved.
I personally can’t think of a better legacy than that…
I’m ending with one of my favorite quotes that helps me because it is a reminder that death is simply a transition from this world to the next…where we will be reunited and made whole again, in God’s glory and grace…
I love you Libby…I love you…
“Death is nothing at all… I have only slipped away into the next room…I am I and you are you… whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into your tone, where no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without effect, without the ghost of a shadow on it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was, there is absolutely unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner…All is well.”
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Tranquil Moments…
I asked my niece, Jennifer Malphy, if she could share some of her nature photos with my newsletter audience. Each week I will feature a new photo. Here is this week’s:
This week’s Smile video…
Steve Young, 93, has not missed a single Antioch Community High School football game since 1946. He also attends virtually every school sporting event, from basketball to golf, and has no plans on stopping anytime soon. Steve Hartman has more in "On the Road."
#believe #smilevideos #spreadkindnessandlove
What I am reading…
This week I started reading Off The Clock by Laura Vanderkam.
The Amazon description is as follows, “Learn to savor life's best moments - no matter how busy you are - through mindset shifts that alter your perception of time.
Laura Vanderkam, the acclaimed author of What the Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast, isn't like other time-management gurus. She's not trying to shave off 30 seconds here or there; she''s interested in the emotional and psychological side of the 168 hours everyone has each week. Her message is that we all have more time than we think we do, and can feel less stressed while getting more done.
With the right habits, you can live efficiently and effectively, and yet still see time as abundant. For instance, Vanderkam teaches:
- How to clear your calendar of activities that are boring, stressful or simply not the best use of your time
- Why tackling your top priorities during the hours when you have the most energy will change your perception of what it means to be productive
- How to linger in great experiences while they're happening, and why good memories seem to make time expand
Packed with insights from busy yet relaxed professionals, including ''time makeovers'' of people who are learning to use these tools, Off the Clock can inspire the rest of us to create lives that are not only productive, but enjoyable in the moment..”
The poetic path…
Here’s this week’s favorite poem…
This week’s TED Talk…
What keeps us happy and healthy as we go through life? If you think it's fame and money, you're not alone – but, according to psychiatrist Robert Waldinger, you're mistaken. As the director of 75-year-old study on adult development, Waldinger has unprecedented access to data on true happiness and satisfaction. In this talk, he shares three important lessons learned from the study as well as some practical, old-as-the-hills wisdom on how to build a fulfilling, long life
Facebook Memories
I love looking at my Facebook memories each day. Here is something I posted a few years ago that came up…
Podcast picks…
Everyone needs a little help being a human. From sleep to saving money to parenting and more, host Marielle Segarra talks to experts to get the best advice out there. Life Kit is here to help you get it together.
Want another life hack? Try Life Kit+. You'll support the show and unlock exclusive curated playlists and sponsor-free listening. Learn more at plus.npr.org/lifekit.
Mind/Body connections…
Listen and repeat these affirmations either out loud or in your mind for twenty-one days to help establish new positive thought patterns.
Comedy Lift…
I love to share funny cartoons or memes with friends and family. Who doesn’t need to smile? Here’s this week’s Comedy Lift…
Music Moments
Music inspires me in many ways. Here’s Collin Raye’s song Give Me Jesus...Enjoy!
Quote of the week
Until next week. Please remember…Begin and end each day with a grateful heart…and always, always be kind….
Loved this...so packed with goodies!