Looking through each other's eyes

and connecting our hearts and minds...

"Empathy is about standing in someone else's shoes, feeling with their heart, seeing with their eyes…"

Photo by Pawan Thapa on Unsplash

For many years I have felt I have been one of those people who could be described as an empath and over the last few years, I have learned to embrace that characteristic. Reading the book, The Empath’s Survival Guide, a few years ago helped me with coming to that conclusion.

Of course, as with many scientific labels, there is a wide range and a spectrum of levels regarding empaths and I’m not going to get into the details of that. However, it’s been refreshing to learn that how I feel and who I basically have been my entire life, is something that is not only normal but can also be seen as a gift.

As a child I was shy and quiet in school but the opposite at home. When I was around people I knew well and there was not a large crowd, I was talkative and considered quite the conversationalist. I think that continues to this day.

But when I find myself in unfamiliar territory, in large crowds or big meetings, I tend to shut down. Turns out I’m being “overstimulated” and my senses can’t take everything coming at me at once. Just as being an empath means I absorb and feel the positive feelings of someone around me, it also makes me vulnerable to negative feelings as well. That is called “compassion fatigue” which is an entire topic of its own for another day…

Growing up, one of my biggest heroes was Mister Rogers, and as a child I was enthralled with his calmness, the ease in which he took his audience in and out of “make believe” and his ability to empathize with every person (or puppet) he met. Most importantly, he taught, using his empath skills, and showed millions of children the importance of being kind and thoughtful when dealing with others and that feeling your emotions was not only normal but necessary.

As I went through college to learn to become an elementary school teacher and librarian, I found myself going back to his philosophy and I tried to incorporate it, eventually using that in my lessons with my own students. One of my biggest goals over the years was to get my students to see how their interactions with each other, and the world around them, were interconnected. Kindness and compassion should not be seen as exceptional but rather the way we should go about treating others every day. “Treat everyone like it’s their birthday…every day…” was one of my classroom mottos.

In education, as in other fields, I think the “gentle ones” are not taken as seriously by others and some may even see them as not good leadership material. I think that is a real disservice - the world does not belong to only extroverts. The loudest voice in the room is not necessarily the best one. But as a society, most of us tend to follow that lead and the many gifts that empaths can provide are often overlooked and lost.

Later on, as a parent of an empath, I tried to reassure my son, just as my parents reassured me throughout the years, that being tenderhearted is not a weakness at all. In fact, it is a super power.

I remember back in my early 20’s my friend, Cheryl, told me she was getting one of her poems published for the first time in a prestigious periodical and I was so excited for her. After we finished jumping up and down with joy, she grabbed my hand and said, “Sheila, you are the first person I told. Do you know why? Because I knew you would be genuinely happy for me!”

And I was - I literally felt her joy and that compliment has stuck with me all of these years later.

As I look around at our world today, I worry about the inability sometimes of people to see each other as the fragile human beings that we actually are.

We shouldn’t have to literally experience another person’s pain or circumstances in order to recognize it exists…or to understand that it just as easily could happen to us…

It simply comes down to the ability to treat everyone as we would want to be treated, with respect and love, regardless of our personalities, beliefs or personal circumstances.

Just like Mister Rogers taught us…

What do you think?

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Tranquil Moments…

I asked my niece, Jennifer Malphy, if she could share some of her nature photos with my newsletter audience. Each week I will feature a new photo. Here is this week’s:

Photo by Jennifer Malphy.

This week’s Smile video…

An office building in Las Cruces, New Mexico, has come up with a way to give people a chance to relax. They've set up a library-style system where people can sign out kittens. Steve Hartman reports.

#believe #smilevideos #spreadkindnessandlove

What I am reading…

This week I am reading Waterfalls of Wisconsin: The Wild Waters of Intrigue by Troy Hess. This book has beautiful photos which allow me the chance to “dream” about the upcoming summer vacations I hope to share with my family, enjoying the great outdoors.

Here is the Amazon summary: “In the state more commonly known for its farmlands, renowned photographer Troy Hess showcases the natural beauty of Wisconsin's waterfalls. Join Troy as he explores these spectacular waterways dispersed throughout America's Dairyland.

From the raging torrents to the lesser-known creeks and streams, these waterways comprise this definitive collection. With a decade of research and travels furnishing his repertoire, Troy offers a glimpse through his lens as he captures the serenity and natural beauty of these wondrous waterways. Each location includes a cross-reference by county, offering insightful inspiration for a journey of your own. Waterfalls of Wisconsin: The Wild Waters of Intrigue is the perfect travel companion to elucidate the whereabouts and compel admiration for these natural freshwater displays.”

What I am watching…

I love it when I discover old television shows that I haven’t seen in years. The Bob Newhart Show is one of those that I remember watching as a child of the 1970’s. This week I started watching the first season.

The cast is filled with fun and quirky characters and the dialogue is a great combination of quick wit and perfect, dead-pan timing. If you ever get the chance to watch, I think you are in for a treat!

Empathy vs. Sympathy

What is the best way to ease someone's pain and suffering? In this beautifully animated RSA Short, Dr. Brené Brown reminds us that we can only create a genuine empathic connection if we are brave enough to really get in touch with our own fragilities.

Mind/Body connections…

Qigong for Insomnia or improving sleep quality. This routine uses gentle movements that help your body and mind calm down and prepare for a restful evening. Filmed next to a beautiful mountain river with high quality sound and video.

Comedy Lift…

I love to share funny cartoons or memes with friends and family. Who doesn’t need to smile? Here’s this week’s Comedy Lift…

Music Moments

Music inspires me in many ways. Here's Donna Summer singing Last Dance….Enjoy!

Quote of the week

Until next week. Please remember…Begin and end each day with a grateful heart…and always, always be kind….