Tender hearts
the superpower known as empathy
This week I return to an essay I wrote three years ago…a reminder that even in a chaotic world, empathy is still a superpower…
“Empathy is forgetting oneself in the joys and sorrows of another, so much so that you actually feel that the joy or sorrow experienced by another is your own. Empathy involves complete identification with another.” – Dada Vaswani
For many years I have felt I have been one of those people who could be described as an empath but until recently, I never realized how much so until I read the book, The Empath’s Survival Guide.
Of course, as with many scientific labels, there is a wide range and a spectrum of levels regarding empaths and I’m not going to get into the details of that. However, it was refreshing to learn that how I feel and who I basically have been my entire life, is something that is not only normal but can also be seen as a gift.
As a child I was shy and quiet in school but the opposite at home. When I was around people I knew well and there was not a large crowd, I was talkative and considered quite the conversationalist. I think that continues to this day.
But when I find myself in unfamiliar territory, in large crowds or big meetings, I tend to shut down. Turns out I’m being “overstimulated” and my senses can’t take everything coming at me at once. Just as being an empath means I absorb and feel the positive feelings of someone around me, it also makes me vulnerable to negative feelings as well. That is an entire topic of its own for another day…
Growing up, one of my biggest heroes was Mister Rogers, and as a child I was enthralled with his calmness, the ease in which he took his audience in and out of “make believe” and his ability to empathize with every person (or puppet) he met. Most importantly, he taught, using his empath skills, and showed millions of children the importance of being kind and thoughtful when dealing with others and that feeling your emotions was not only normal but necessary.
As I went through college to learn to become an elementary school teacher and librarian, I found myself going back to his philosophy and I tried to incorporate it, eventually using that in my lessons with my own students. One of my biggest goals over the years was to get my students to see how their interactions with each other, and the world around them, was interconnected. Kindness and compassion should not be seen as exceptional but rather the way we should go about treating others every day. “Treat everyone like it’s their birthday…every day…” was one of my classroom mottos.
In education, as in other fields, I think the “gentle ones’ are not taken as seriously by others and some may even see them as not good leadership material. I think that is a real disservice - the world does not belong to only extroverts. The loudest voice in the room is not necessarily the best one. But as a society, most of us tend to follow that lead and the many gifts that empaths can provide are often overlooked and lost.
Later on, as a parent of an empath, I tried to reassure my son, just as my parents reassured me throughout the years, that being tenderhearted is not a weakness at all. In fact, it is a superpower.
I remember back in my 20’s one of my friends told me she was getting one of her poems published for the first time in a prestigious periodical and I was so excited for her. After we finished jumping up and down with joy, she grabbed my hand and said, “Sheila, you are the first person I told. Do you know why? Because I knew you would be genuinely happy for me!”
And I was - I literally felt her joy and that compliment has stuck with me for all these years. I continue to try to be that type of person and I believe that even if some of us are more naturally inclined to be an empath, we can all still strive to attain that superpower - the ability to treat others as we would want to be treated.
Wouldn’t that be awesome, if we take a just a moment to try and feel what others are going through?
I believe our world could evolve into a much better, kinder place…for all of us…
What do you think?
For information about why I started this newsletter, please go to the about section.
This week’s word is…
In honor of my dear friend and mentor, Sister Agnes, I am choosing to focus each week on one word.
This week’s word is Empathy.
“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view—until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” – Atticus Finch (To Kill a Mockingbird)
What can we do to show more empathy to those around us?
Tranquil Moments…
I asked my niece, Jennifer Malphy, if she could share some of her nature photos with my newsletter audience. Each week I will feature a new photo. Here is this week’s:
This week’s Smile video…
When a little boy showed up alone for a major procedure in Nebraska, an anesthesiologist stepped in. As Steve Hartman reports, she didn't stop there.
#believe #smilevideos #spreadkindnessandlove
Empathy vs. Sympathy
What is the best way to ease someone’s pain and suffering? In this beautifully animated RSA Short, Dr. Brené Brown reminds us that we can only create a genuine empathic connection if we are brave enough to really get in touch with our own fragilities.
This week’s TED Talk
I have watched TED Talks for many years now. I love the wide variety of experiences and opinions TED Talks offer. Here is one I would like to share for this week:
Mind/Body connections…
Discover how to modify kneeling yoga & fitness exercises so you can strengthen & improve flexibility without harming sore knees.
Comedy Lift…
I love to share funny cartoons or memes with friends and family. Who doesn’t need to smile? Here’s this week’s Comedy Lift…
Music Moments
Music inspires me in so many ways. Here’s Ruthie Henshall, the BBC Symphony Orchestra and Sakari Oramo (conductor) marking the 50th anniversary of the film Mary Poppins with a singalong medley - Enjoy!
Quote of the week
Until next week. Please remember…Begin and end each day with a grateful heart…and always, always be kind….
The Kindness Boomerang newsletter is a 2025 recipient of the Sunshine Blogger Award.
When your son was in my Psychology class he said something I’ve adopted and told to anyone who will listen to me since. “Never be the reason someone has a bad day.”
You might try and fail, but in the trying you hopefully make things better. He’s a good “kid”.
How wonderful to have empath as a family trait passing through the generations! Mr. Rogers is a great hero to grow up with for a role model. Now you have become a Mr. Rogers and empath of Substack with your inspirational Kindness Boomerang Newsletter!