Three things great fathers do
remembering my father...
“She did not stand alone, but what stood behind her, the most potent moral force in her life, was the love of her father.” —Harper Lee
I wrote this essay last year in honor of my father - I hope you enjoy it.
It’s been over twenty years since I had a Father’s Day celebration with my Dad. He died in December of 2007 but due to his issues with Lewy Body Dementia, he was in a nursing home from the summer of 2005 until his death.
The man I knew and loved slowly disappeared before our eyes during those years. My mother, a pillar of strength, visited him on an almost daily basis and he always seemed to recognize her, even if sometimes he referred to her as “such a beautiful girl” instead of by her name...
As I look back on the memory of my last true Father’s Day with my Dad, I clearly remember giving him a VCR for their cabin up north. It was a “group gift” given by both my sister Colleen and myself and our husbands.
Dad got emotional about the gift, which I found so unusual. My Dad was not a person who showed emotions easily but he started to get that way as dementia slowly took over.
A little over a year later my son was born and, ironically just as he was entering my life, my father - at least the person I knew and loved - was leaving it.
But instead of focusing on the end, or the last, I would rather think more and more about the entirety of the life of this very special man.
My Dad was a provider… he was one of the hardest working people I ever knew. He worked a variety of jobs over his lifetime starting as a hired-hand for a local farmer and then moving on to working in a gravel pit. When my parents got married in 1948, he worked for Shurtleff's Dairy as a milk route delivery man (with the real bottles of milk and a delivery truck) and later on, he became an insurance agent for Metropolitan Insurance Company.
Along with his father, he owned and operated Joe's Tavern in Janesville, WI for several years and from the mid-1960's until his retirement, he worked as a farmer - running a sheep farm and then a dairy farm. When I think of him, I picture his hands…rough and calloused from all of the years of physical work…
My Dad was a nurturer…He made sure people were okay and if they weren’t, he helped them in whatever way he could.
My relationship with him is something I will always treasure. There are some people on this earth that you have a deep connection with. They complete your thoughts, understand your pain, share your joys and relieve your anxieties. They support you during the good times and the bad. My father was one of those people for me and for many others. I still miss our very long, very wonderful, conversations…
Finally, my Dad was an expert at guiding people…His advice, his view of the world, his experiences…they were all essential as he focused on helping people whenever he could. He loved reading and writing and he did crossword puzzles every day. He valued higher education and was so proud of all of the college graduates in his family.
He encouraged people, wanting the very best for others. His word was gold. When he promised you something, he delivered on that promise. He told the truth, even when it was difficult to hear.
He loved his family and his friends with all of his heart and that especially was evident in his marriage to my mother. They were a true team for 59 years.
Was he perfect? No, he was not - he was a human being with flaws and he made mistakes, like we all do in life. He could swear like a sailor and he had a short temper. You did not want to “get his Irish up”.
But when I think of him, I don’t focus on those things, just like I hope someday others will not focus on my shortcomings. We are all more than our human weaknesses and mistakes…so much more…
This Father’s Day I hope, if you still have your father here on this earth, you take a moment to give him a call, send him a text or even better, see him in person. Let him know what he means to you…
What I wouldn’t give to have the chance to do just that…just one more time…
What do you think?
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Tranquil Moments…
I asked my niece, Jennifer Malphy, if she could share some of her nature photos with my newsletter audience. Each week I will feature a new photo. Here is this week’s:
This week’s Smile video…
This Father's Day, Steve Hartman tells the story of his profound conversion from a reluctant dog dad to his dog's best friend.
#believe #smilevideos #spreadkindnessandlove
My favorite Substacks…
Hope & Kindness Matters newsletter is one of my favorite Substacks. It is written by Nancy A. I especially enjoyed this week’s post entitled The Farmer’s Daughter. Check it out - you will love it!
What I am watching…
The Survivors is an Australian mini-series on Netflix that I watched this past week and it was definitely binge-worthy!
Kieran Elliott's life changed forever in his coastal home town of Evelyn Bay, Tasmania, after a severe storm hit the bay causing the deaths of three people who were close to him. When he returns home 15 years later with his own family, the past comes back to haunt him and the tight-knit community when a young woman is murdered. The community is desperate for answers and they are forced to uncover the deadly mysteries from the past.
What I am reading…
This week I picked up and read my father’s book entitled Carpe Diem. It was a compilation of his poems and thoughts during the last 30 years of his life and my mother and I self-published it several years ago.
When I read his words, I feel his presence. Here are two examples of his talent.
Comedy Lift…
I love to share funny cartoons or memes with friends and family. Who doesn’t need to smile? Here’s this week’s Comedy Lift…
Music Moments
Music inspires me in many ways. Here’s Shower the People by James Taylor...Enjoy!
Quote of the week
Until next week. Please remember…Begin and end each day with a grateful heart…and always, always be kind….
A beautiful remembrance of your dad, Sheila! Thank you for sharing him, including his writings. What a treasure to have! 💙
And thanks for sharing my Substack and post. I appreciate it! 💖